Blazing Dragons Virtual Season Ep 2 - Sir Hotbreath & the Puce Knight
by J-R Virtual Seasons
Summary: Sir Galahot and Sir Hotbreath return to Camelhot, but all they seem to have brought back from their lengthy quest is the rather unimpressive Lemon Tree of Leominster. However, Sir Hotbreath has also brought a secret. As Flicker learns the alarming details of Sir Hotbreath's meeting with the mysterious Puce Knight, Count Geoffrey learns of an opportunity to take over Camelhot.
1. Chapter 1

All the dragons of Camelhot were gathered in the courtyard, staring in surprise as Sir Galahot and Sir Hotbreath entered the castle.

'My knights!' said King Allfire. 'Blazing dragons, what a marvellous surprise! The fellowship of the Square Table is complete once more.'

'My king,' said Sir Galahot, executing a bow. 'We have returned from our noble quest, and we have brought you… well, something.'

'A bit too long to be a noble quest, if you ask me,' Sir Loungelot said to the other knights. 'They've probably just been loafing about the whole time, and now they've come back looking to steal a bit of glory.'

'Ah, my good, brave, noble knights,' said King Allfire. 'Have you brought me back an ancient and valuable mystic artefact, as you always used to?'

'Well, not exactly, sire,' said Sir Galahot. 'Sir Hotbreath, sir - show the King our prize.'

For the first time, everyone noticed that Sir Hotbreath was holding both hands behind his back. Shifting from foot to foot and belching little jets of fire, he revealed the spoils of the quest.

'It's a lemon tree, sire,' he said, placing a small plant pot onto the ground in front of him. 'We got it from Leominster.'

'The fabled Lemon Tree of Leominster,' said Sir Burnevere. 'I have read of this most illustrious shrub.'

King Allfire was eyeing the lemon tree suspiciously.

'My noble knights… I don't mean to criticise, or jump to any conclusions,' he said, 'but is this all you've got to show for such a lengthy quest?'

'It's all we've got to _show_ for it, sire, yes,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'For now, anyway…'

'Hmm, maybe Loungelot was right for once,' Sir Blaze whispered to Sir Burnevere.

'But sirs, the fruit of this tree is reputed to taste like the nectar of the gods!' said Sir Galahot. 'If one of you would care to sample it…'

'You can count me out,' said Sir Burnevere. 'I have heard tell that the lemon is a bitter and tasteless fruit, overly abundant in citric acid.'

'Loungelot will try it!' Queen Griddle declared. 'You're not afraid of this citric acid stuff, are you, Loungelot?'

'Erm… of course not, my queen,' said Sir Loungelot. 'Fear not - no lemon is going to get the better of Sir Loungelot!'

Loungelot approached the lemon tree, looking distinctly uncomfortable. Sir Galahot plucked a lemon from the top branch and held it out to him.

'Go on, Loungelot, eat it!' said Queen Griddle.

Sir Loungelot put the lemon into his mouth and bit down hard. He immediately screeched in alarm and started clawing at his jaw, before rushing back to where he had been standing and spitting the lemon out. The yellow, pulpy mess sprayed all over Sir Blaze.

'Eeew, Loungey, it's in my eye!' said Sir Blaze. 'Ooh… argh… ouch, it really stings!'

'Nectar of the gods, my foot!' said Sir Loungelot. 'Lemons are truly the Devil's sweetmeats!'

'Come to think of it, sir, I don't think you're supposed to eat it neat,' said Sir Galahot. 'I believe we were told that the best thing to do with these lemons is to drain them of their juices and make lemonade. Is that not right, Hotbreath?'

'Hmm? Oh… oh, yes,' said Sir Hotbreath, who had clearly not been listening. 'Lemonade, that's right.'

'Very well, then - we shall reserve judgment until we have tasted this lemonade,' said King Allfire. 'Cinder and Clinker - I want you to harvest all the lemons you can from this tree, and make lemonade from them.'

'Ooh, lemonade!' said Cinder. 'Should be delicious.'

'Won't we need sugar?' said Clinker. 'A lot of sugar.'

'Tell Chef Turnspit to give you all the sugar you want,' said King Allfire. 'We shall all gorge ourselves on lemonade to celebrate the safe return of Sir Galahot and Sir Hotbreath, and in the meantime, let us hear their tales of great adventure, and welcome them back to Camelhot and the Square Table, where they belong. Come, my noble knights!'

With that, King Allfire led the court of Camelhot back inside the castle; only Cinder and Clinker remained in the courtyard, picking lemons for all they were worth.

'Isn't it wonderful that Sir Galahot and Sir Hotbreath are back?' Flicker said to Flame.

'Yes, it's very good news… but don't use it as an excuse not to push yourself forward a little, Flicker, as were discussing,' said Flame.

'Flame, my… my position on the matter hasn't changed,' said Flicker. 'But there are more important things for the King and the knights to deal with at the moment… like hearing about Sir Galahot and Sir Hotbreath's adventures.'

'Yes, I suppose so,' said Flame. 'Hmm… you know, Flicker, I'm not sure that Sir Hotbreath is very happy to be back. Sir Galahot seems more buoyant than I've ever seen him before, but Hotbreath…'

'I know what you mean, Flame,' said Flicker. 'He seems upset - or at least distracted - about something. Maybe he's getting adventure withdrawal symptoms.'

'Why don't you talk to him, Flicker?' said Flame. 'Maybe there's something he'd like to get off his chest.'

'Flame,' said Flicker, 'it's not a lowly squire's place to…'

'Fine, then - don't talk to him!' said Flame, flouncing ahead of Flicker. 'It's up to you, Flicker - I can't make your choices for you!'

* * *

'And then, sirs, the Two-Headed Harpy of Sutton Coldfield swooped down on us like a gigantic, ravenous bird of prey!' Sir Galahot declared. 'I knew that only the Sacred Shield of St. Cuthbert the Unsteady could save us!'

King Allfire and the Knights of the Square Table stared at Sir Galahot, hanging on his every word. Only two of the dragons seated at the Square Table seemed uninterested; Sir Hotbreath was sitting with his head in his hands, his expression downcast, while Sir Loungelot was eating as much food as he could manage to cram into his mouth.

'Sir Galahot certainly seems to have enjoyed his quest, doesn't he?' Flicker whispered to Sir Loungelot, pouring wine into his goblet. 'I don't think I've ever heard him say so much at one time… or at all, come to think of it.'

'He's got a terrible case of verbal diarrhoea,' said Sir Loungelot. 'There's nothing I loathe more than a puffed-up braggart who's always wasting everybody's time banging on about his boring so-called adventures!'

'Yes, Milord,' said Flicker. 'But have you noticed Sir Hotbreath? He seems very subdued, don't you think?'

'At least he's keeping his trap shut,' said Sir Loungelot.

'That's what worries me, Milord,' said Flicker. 'Sir Hotbreath should be full of daring tales of great adventure, just like Sir Galahot, but… well, he isn't.'

'So?' said Sir Loungelot.

'So, maybe there's something wrong with him,' said Flicker.

'Maybe there is,' said Sir Loungelot.

'And maybe someone should try to talk to him about it,' Flicker pressed. 'One of his fellow knights, perhaps.'

'Raging plague, Flicker!' Loungelot hissed. 'I've got much better things to do with my precious time than play agony aunt for Sir Hotbreath! If he wants to go around looking like a wet weekend in Grimsby, who am I to deny him?'

'But, Milord -'

'Lemonade!' Cinder's voice suddenly filled the room. 'Lemonade for everyone!'

'Don't worry about the pulpy bits,' said Clinker. 'They're meant to be there; they add to the flavour.'

King Allfire and his knights tasted the lemonade; each of them belched out a small jet of fire after taking their first gulp.

'It certainly has a pleasant kick to it,' said Sir Burnevere.

'It still stings,' said Sir Blaze, 'but not unpleasantly this time.'

'Congratulations, Cinder and Clinker,' said King Allfire. 'Your lemonade is a rip-roaring success!'

'Thank you, Your Majesty,' said Clinker.

'We always aim to please, sire,' added Cinder.

'I still say it comes straight from Satan's gullet,' muttered Sir Loungelot. 'Flicker, you can finish mine for me.'

'Er… thank you, Milord,' said Flicker, accepting the proffered beaker. 'So, about Sir Hotbreath…'

'I told you, Flicker, Hotbreath's melancholy mood is no concern of mine!' Sir Loungelot snapped. 'If you're really all that worried about him, why don't you go and talk to him yourself?'

'Yes,' said Flicker. 'Yes, perhaps I will.'

* * *

Flicker yawned as he closed the door of Sir Loungelot's bedchamber behind him. With the intention of reaching his own bedchamber, Flicker crossed the corridor and climbed a nearby staircase. When he reached the top, he almost fell over Sir Hotbreath.

'Oh… I'm sorry, Sir Hotbreath,' said Flicker. 'I didn't see you down there, what with it being so dark and all.'

Sir Hotbreath raised his eyes to look at Flicker. He sighed heavily, and lowered his gaze again. Making a quick decision, Flicker sat down next to him.

'I hope you'll forgive me for saying so, My Lord, but you haven't seemed… quite yourself since you got back,' said Flicker.

'Well then, perhaps I'm not myself,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'It wouldn't surprise me.'

'Er… is there anything you'd like to talk about, Sir Hotbreath?' said Flicker. 'You can trust me not to repeat anything you tell me… unless you want me to, that is.'

'I don't suppose there's any harm in telling you,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'I don't suppose it really matters who knows, come to think of it. After all, everyone's going to know tomorrow, aren't they?'

'Everyone's going to know what?'

'That I've been a fool! That I've gambled with my life and lost!'

'Oh. Oh, right,' said Flicker. 'Um… does this have anything to do with your recent quest?'

'Yes,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'You see, I was on the road to Leominster - Sir Galahot had gone on ahead of me; he had that tree when I next saw him - and I ran into this fellow who called himself the Puce Knight. He challenged me to a duel… he was very courteous and polite about it, but he refused to let me pass until I had fought him, so… well, I did.'

'And did you win?' asked Flicker.

'Well, yes,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'And no. You see, before we began our duel, the Puce Knight got me to agree to a very strange set of terms and… well, I think he tricked me good and proper, to be honest.'

As Sir Hotbreath recounted his experiences with the Puce Knight, a curtain twitched at the top of the staircase, although neither Flicker nor Sir Hotbreath was in a position to notice.

* * *

'So, let me get this straight,' said Flicker. 'You agreed that if you managed to defeat the Puce Knight, you'd let him do the same thing to you that you'd done to him after exactly one month had passed… and then you cut his head off?'

'That's right,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'Well, how was I supposed to know he'd pick it up and put it straight back on again?'

'Was he angry?' asked Flicker.

'No - he was as polite and friendly as ever,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'He congratulated me on my battle skills, and he agreed to let me pass because I'd defeated him. But then he told me he'd come to find me in one month's time and do to me what I had done to him, as we agreed. So, he'll be here tomorrow to cut my head off… and I've given him my word that I'll let him do it!'

'Well, Sir Hotbreath… a knight's word is his bond,' said Flicker.

'So you're saying I should let him kill me, is that it?' said Sir Hotbreath.

'Hmm, not exactly, but… well, maybe this Puce Knight doesn't really want to kill you,' said Flicker. 'Maybe he's just testing you; a test of chivalry, I mean.'

'Do you really think I can afford to take that chance?' said Sir Hotbreath.

'To be perfectly honest, My Lord, I don't think you can afford not to,' said Flicker. 'You are a Knight of the Square Table, and a knight's word speaks only truth. If you have promised the Puce Knight that you'll let him cut your head off, you'll have to honour that promise… but that doesn't mean he'll necessarily take the opportunity to do it!'

'Well, I hope you're right,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'My head doesn't reattach as easily as his does… not so far as I know, anyway. So you really think I should stop fretting and just keep my word to the fellow?'

'Well, I think that if you do, it can't be the wrong course of action,' said Flicker. 'I mean, if you honour your word as a knight, things have to work out for the best. Doesn't King Allfire's Code of Chivalry tell us so, and haven't we all sworn to uphold it?'

'I wish I had such faith in the Code as you seem to,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'You obviously know it very well, and you seem to trust it completely, but you're not even a knight… you're Loungelot's squire, aren't you?'

'Flicker, Sir Hotbreath.'

'Yes… well, Flicker, if you can place your trust in the Code of Chivalry and not waver when your faith is tested, then so can I! I shall meet the Puce Knight tomorrow, and I shall keep my word to him, and I shall trust in the Code to ensure that everything turns out for the best.'

'Good for you!' said Flicker.

'I'd better get some sleep if I'm going to be ready to face my destiny in the morning,' said Hotbreath, rising to his feet. 'But I do feel that I can face it now, thanks to you, Flicker.'

With that, Sir Hotbreath descended the staircase and passed into the corridor beyond. A few seconds later, Flicker resumed his journey towards his bedchamber.

A further few seconds passed, and Count Geoffrey's Evil Spy stepped out from behind the curtain at the top of the stairway. Swiftly and silently, he made his way out of the castle and set off for Castle Threadbare.

* * *

'Heh-heh-heh, this is perfect!' Count Geoffrey told his Evil Knights. 'Thanks to my Evil Spy, I know exactly how we can get those pesky dragons out of Camelhot for good.'

'Does that mean we'll be moving in ourselves?' asked Evil Knight Number Two.

'Of course!' said Count Geoffrey. 'What else would we do with the place?'

'Open it up to visitors and charge people to take tours of the castle and grounds?' said Evil Knight Number Three. 'We could make a lot of money, dread Count Geoffrey.'

'What a stupid idea!' said Geoffrey, cuffing Evil Knight Number Three around the back of the head. 'As if anyone's ever going to make any money doing something like that! No, Camelhot will soon be my bastion of evil. Evil Knights Numbers One, Two and Three… I have a plan.'

'Enlighten us, oh mighty evil one,' said Evil Knight Number One.

'Indeed I shall,' said Count Geoffrey. 'One of those foolish dragons is expecting a visit from the Puce Knight tomorrow. And the Puce Knight is going to turn up, and he is going to remove the scaly head of that dragon as planned… and then he's going to take over Camelhot!'

'But I thought _you_ were taking over Camelhot, Count Geoffrey,' said Evil Knight Number Two.

'Idiot!' said Count Geoffrey. 'I _will_ take over Camelhot, because I'll be the Puce Knight, and the Puce Knight will be me, and we'll be one and the same!'

'I didn't know you were the Puce Knight, Count Geoffrey,' said Evil Knight Number One.

'Well I'm not, am I?' said Count Geoffrey. 'Not yet, at any rate. But tomorrow I shall be the Puce Knight, and I shall dispatch Sir Hotbreath without mercy, thanks to my characteristic ruthlessness and evil! After that, I'll tell all the other dragons to scarper unless they want to suffer the same fate, and then Camelhot will be mine!'

'But… if you've just killed a dragon knight, won't the other dragons be mad with you?' said Evil Knight Number Three. 'Instead of running away from you, they might… well, attack you.'

'Heh-heh-heh! They won't do that, because then they'd be going against Allfire's ridiculous Code of Chivalry!' said Count Geoffrey. 'Sir Hotbreath has given his word that he'll allow the Puce Knight to behead him tomorrow, and there's nothing the other dragons can do about it!'

'But are you sure they'll be scared enough to run off and leave you Camelhot without a fight?' said Evil Knight Number Two.

'Well, think about it this way,' said Count Geoffrey. 'If the Puce Knight came into your castle, killed one of your court and told you to get out unless you wanted the same thing to happen to you, and you knew that he could reattach his head when someone cut it off, wouldn't you leave without a fight?'

'Er… I guess so,' said the three Evil Knights in unison.

'Exactly - it's a brilliant plan,' said Count Geoffrey. 'And all I need to bring it off is a convincing Puce Knight disguise. MERLE!'

There was a flash of lightning and a puff of smoke, and a small bed appeared in front of Count Geoffrey. It was occupied by Merle the Wizard, grey hair in curlers and apparently fast asleep.

'Merle, wake up!' Geoffrey barked.

'Give me a break, Geoff; you're interrupting my ugly-sleep!' said Merle, opening her eyes. 'How's a girl supposed to stay wrinkled and warty if she doesn't get her full eight hours?'

'You can go back to sleep as soon as you've made me look like the Puce Knight, you revolting old witch,' said Count Geoffrey.

'Ooh, the Puce Knight,' said Merle. 'Yes, I remember him, from my younger days… I remember him very well.'

'I don't want to know any more details, do I?' said Count Geoffrey.

'You certainly don't, Geoff,' said Merle. 'Not unless you want to be off your food for a week. Okay, let's see here…'

Merle snapped her fingers, and Count Geoffrey was dressed from head to toe in pinkish-brown armour, a huge visor obscuring his face. He had grown by about two feet, and looked an imposing figure indeed.

'Oh yes, that's the Puce Knight all right,' said Merle. 'Sure brings back memories, Geoff, seeing you like that…'

Count Geoffrey shuddered and made a noise of disgust.

'Now, what else?' said Merle. 'Oh yeah - the Puce Knight always rode on a magnificent puce charger. I guess we'll just have to make do with you, boys.'

Merle snapped her fingers again, and the three Evil Knights were squashed together inside an enormous coat of horse's armour.

'Hey, it's dark in here,' said Evil Knight Number Two.

'Is that your nose?' said Evil Knight Number One.

'No, that's me,' said Evil Knight Number Three. 'And it's not my nose.'

'Well, let me know if you manage to take over Camelhot,' said Merle. 'I bags King Allfire's room. Bye!'

Merle and the bed disappeared. Count Geoffrey mounted his 'horse', chuckling to himself all the while.

'I've got you this time, Allfire!' he declared, in a voice deeper than his own. 'There's nothing you can do to stop me - Camelhot is mine!'

* * *

Flicker had just blown out his candle and was preparing to get into bed when he heard a knock at his bedroom door. He blew on the candle for a second time, this time releasing a jet of flame to reignite the wick, and went to open the door.

'Oh, Flame,' he said, sounding slightly alarmed. 'Um… it's very late, you know, and…'

'Relax, Flicker, no one knows I'm here,' said Flame. 'I saw you talking to Sir Hotbreath. For what it's worth, I think you made the right choice.'

'It's worth a great deal, Milady.'

'Did you find out what's bothering him?'

'Yes, I did,' said Flicker. 'And I think I can tell you - he didn't ask me to keep it a secret. In fact, he said that everyone's going to know about it tomorrow morning, so it doesn't matter who finds out.'

'Oh goody, then you can tell me all about it,' said Flame. 'Can I come in?'

'I think it would be better if I escorted you back to your room, and we discussed the matter on the way,' said Flicker, 'don't you?'

'What's wrong, Flicker?' said Flame. 'Scared of what might happen if the Princess is discovered in your bedchamber in the middle of the night?'

'Yes, Flame, I am scared of that!' said Flicker. 'And so should you be. I know that the consequences for you wouldn't be as severe - and probably terminal - as they would be for me, but surely you realise that whatever happened, the consequences for us… I mean, the consequences for our future… well, for any chance we might have of… oh, I don't know what I'm trying to say!'

'I know what you're trying to say, Flicker,' said Flame. 'And you're right, of course. Come, then - escort me back to my boudoir, kind sir.'

She held out an arm. Flicker smiled, and hooked his own arm through hers. They set off along the corridor together.

'Sir Hotbreath is worried that a mysterious character named the Puce Knight is going to come here tomorrow and decapitate him,' said Flicker.

'Seems like a strange thing to worry about,' said Flame. 'Why does Sir Hotbreath fear this unlikely occurrence so?'

'Because one month ago, he agreed to let it happen.'

'Oh, I see. Why did he do that?'

'The Puce Knight must be some kind of shape-changer or sorcerer,' said Flicker. 'He put his own head back on after Sir Hotbreath had cut it off, but Sir Hotbreath had already agreed to let the Puce Knight do the same thing to him after a month had passed, and… well, Sir Hotbreath's head isn't detachable, is it?'

'Quite a quandary,' said Flame. 'Did you give Sir Hotbreath any advice?'

'I told him to trust in the Code of Chivalry,' said Flicker.

'Yes, well I don't suppose there's anything else he can do, if he's given his word of honour to this fellow,' said Flame. 'Still, it seems a shame to let Sir Hotbreath just stand there and get decapitated. Oh look, here's my room.'

Flame opened the door and entered her bedroom. She turned back to smile at Flicker, and then kissed him on the cheek.

'I'll come and find you first thing tomorrow morning, Flicker,' she said. 'We'll keep an eye on this Puce Knight situation, even if we can't do anything about it. Goodnight.'

'Goodnight, Milady,' said Flicker.


	2. Chapter 2

Early the next morning, King Allfire and the Knights of the Square Table were gathered in the courtyard at Camelhot. Cinder and Clinker were handing around cups of lemonade, while Sir Hotbreath recounted his experiences with the Puce Knight.

From the battlements above, Flicker and Flame looked down at the scene.

'I'm glad Sir Hotbreath decided to tell the other knights about his problem,' said Flicker.

'And I'm glad you managed to get him to open up in the first place,' said Flame.

'I didn't really do much,' said Flicker. 'He just needed someone to listen and… well, I was there.'

'Just like you always are, Flicker,' said Flame. 'And not everyone has it in them to really listen to what other people have to say… but you do.'

'Yes, well, I… to tell you the truth, Flame, I'm a bit worried about the advice I gave Sir Hotbreath,' said Flicker. 'I mean, King Allfire's Code of Chivalry does state that, "A dragon knight will always keep his word of honour"… but it also states that, "A dragon knight will always do everything in his power to help a comrade in mortal danger."'

'That's why you shouldn't try to follow the Code to the letter, Flicker,' said Flame. 'When you find yourself in a sticky situation, you should remember the parts of the Code that are likely to be helpful and not waste time worrying about the ones that aren't; it's just common sense.'

'So… does that mean I should help Sir Hotbreath or not?' said Flicker. 'Help him not to get killed by the Puce Knight, I mean.'

'Just listen to your heart, Flicker,' said Flame, placing a hand on the left side of his chest. 'What's it telling you?'

'Um… many things, Milady.'

'About Sir Hotbreath and the Puce Knight, I mean.'

'Well, I'm not sure,' said Flicker. 'No… no, I am sure. I want to help him, Flame… I mean, I want to save him… if I can.'

'Of course you can, Flicker,' said Flame. 'Surely you've got an invention that'll save the day?'

'But Flame, I haven't invented anything for so long,' said Flicker. 'Well, apart from my can spray, but I don't think that can help us this time.'

'Maybe not, but what about one of your old inventions?' said Flame. 'You've still got them all stashed away somewhere, haven't you?'

'Yes, I have,' said Flicker. 'I may not have used them for a while, but they're still important to me.'

'I'm glad to hear it,' said Flame. 'I must confess that sometimes, I've found myself wondering whether you might have given up on… inventing, Flicker.'

'Oh no,' said Flicker. 'Inventing is constantly on my mind, and so is knighthood. I haven't given up on my dreams, Flame. I haven't given up on _any_ of my dreams - they mean the world to me.'

'And to me too, Flicker,' said Flame. 'Now, let's think; which invention might be able to help us get the better of the Puce Knight? What do we know about him?'

'Well, he's puce,' said Flicker, 'presumably. And he's a knight, which means he probably wears armour…'

'Your magic net!' said Flame. 'You remember the effect that has on armour, don't you?'

'All too well,' Flicker assured her. 'All right, then - I'll fetch the magic net and have it on standby, just in case we need it.'

'It'd be easier to carry with two of us,' said Flame. 'I'll go with you, Flicker.'

* * *

The drawbridge slammed down and the sound of clattering hooves filled the courtyard. King Allfire and the Knights of the Square Table looked up from their discussion to see a tall, imposing figure riding into the courtyard on a colossal charger.

'Egad, it's the Puce Knight!' said Cinder.

'At least he brought his own axe,' said Clinker.

'He doesn't look all that puce to me,' said Sir Blaze. 'He could do with a touch more lavender and a smidgeon less taupe.'

'You were right, Sir Hotbreath, sir!' said Sir Galahot. 'He knew where to find you, and he has come for you just as he promised!'

'Just what we need - a nice beheading to get up an appetite for breakfast,' Sir Loungelot grumbled, but nobody was listening to him.

'Puce Knight, I am King Allfire,' said King Allfire, as the rider drew to a halt, 'and these are my Knights of the Square Table. Have you truly come to Camelhot this morning to behead one of them?'

'I have,' said the Puce Knight.

'Then you, sirrah, are indeed a knave!' said King Allfire.

'Nay, sire; he is well within his rights,' said Sir Hotbreath, stepping forward. 'I gave my word that I would allow him to do this deed upon this day, and now the time has come.'

'It certainly has, you wretched little ninny,' said the Puce Knight. 'You may have defeated me in battle, but I tricked you, didn't I? Let's see your precious Code of Chivalry help you now, you stupid dragon! Tell me - why shouldn't I kill you where you stand?'

Sir Hotbreath did not respond.

* * *

In a secluded corner of the courtyard, Flicker turned to Flame.

'Something's not right here,' he said.

* * *

'Well?' said the Puce Knight. 'Will you not beg for your life, dragon knight of Camelhot?'

'Nay, sir - I will not!' said Sir Hotbreath. 'If you intend to strike me down then go ahead and do it, for I shall not play your accursed games any longer!'

'All right then, you pathetic fool!' said the Puce Knight. 'You asked for it.'

* * *

'That can't be the Puce Knight, Flame,' said Flicker. 'Sir Hotbreath told me of a true and virtuous warrior, who would never gloat over a defeated adversary and… well, that's not him.'

'I agree with you, Flicker,' said Flame. 'It must be some kind of impostor.'

'In that case,' said Flicker, 'we have no choice; we must deploy the magic net!'

Flicker pulled and Flame pushed, and they pointed the magic net straight at the Puce Knight. Then they each picked up a length of wire from the ground.

'Oh no - we don't have a source of potatolectricity!' Flicker realised. 'Blazing dragons, how could we have forgotten that?'

'There must be something around here we can use,' said Flame. 'What about one of those lemon things?'

'I don't know if a lemon would work like a potato,' said Flicker. 'Wait, though; what did Sir Burnevere say about lemons yesterday?'

'He said they taste bitter because they're overly abundant in citric acid,' said Flame.

'Citric acid… yes, that just might do it!' said Flicker. 'Oh, but where's the Lemon Tree of Leominster?'

'It's been moved over there,' said Flame, gesturing across the courtyard. 'I'll nip across and fetch you a lemon, Flicker.'

'Let's just hope Cinder and Clinker haven't pulped them all!' said Flicker.

* * *

'All right, Puce Knight,' said Sir Hotbreath, 'let's see what you've got!'

'An axe!' declared the Puce Knight. 'And it's got your name on it, dragon knight.'

The Puce Knight raised his axe. Sir Hotbreath bent his head forward. King Allfire and the other knights gasped. And then the Puce Knight's axe was dragged from his grasp. It went flying across the courtyard, followed by his helmet, then the rest of his armour, and finally his horse's armour.

'Huzzah!' declared Flicker, deactivating the now armour-strewn magic net. 'It turns out that lemons are an excellent source of potatolectricity… and it turns out that the Puce Knight isn't quite what he seems to be.'

'Or you could say that the Puce Knight doesn't _seem_ to be the Puce Knight at all!' said Flame.

King Allfire and the Knights of the Square Table transferred their gaze from the magic net to the point where the Puce Knight had been. Count Geoffrey and his Evil Knights were now lying there in a crumpled heap.

'Count Geoffrey!' said King Allfire. 'You were the Puce Knight all along?'

'Um… er… yes!' Count Geoffrey declared, formulating a new plan very quickly. 'Yes, I am the Puce Knight… I've always been the Puce Knight… and Sir Hotbreath has given his word that he'll let me cut his head off, with or without my puce armour on, so if you dragons know what's good for you…'

At that moment, a hunting horn blared through the courtyard. Hooves clattered upon the drawbridge once more, heralding the arrival of another rider in Camelhot. The mounted figure was at least eight feet tall, and carried a colossal broadsword. Its gigantic warhorse snorted steam into the cold morning air.

'Ooh,' said Sir Blaze, 'now that's a puce knight if ever I saw one!'

'Ladies and gentlemen, presenting… the real Puce Knight!' said Cinder.

'You can tell he's the genuine article; he really knows how to make an entrance,' Clinker added.

'Who dares?' a chilling voice echoed around the courtyard. 'Who dares to impersonate the Puce Knight?'

'He does, sir!' said Sir Galahot. 'Count Geoffrey!'

'Well, I… that is to say I, er…' Count Geoffrey stammered.

'You will pay for this outrage, Count Geoffrey!' said the Puce Knight. 'You will learn what happens to those foolish enough to incur my wrath!'

'Look, can't we talk about this?' said Count Geoffrey. 'I mean, we both came here today to kill a dragon, didn't we? Why don't we join forces and take over Camelhot, hmm?'

'You're a snivelling coward, Count Geoffrey!' said the Puce Knight. 'I'm going to show you what happens to snivelling cowards who cross the path of the Puce Knight! And I don't think you're going to like it.'

'What do we do, dread Count Geoffrey?' asked Evil Knight Number Two.

'Um… run away!' Count Geoffrey decided. 'Run away, run away!'

With that, Geoffrey shot back across the drawbridge at top speed, followed closely by his three knights. The Puce Knight did not pursue them, but got down from his horse and approached Sir Hotbreath.

'Good day, good knight,' said the Puce Knight. 'Do you recall that one month ago, you gave your word to allow me to behead you on this day?'

'I do,' said Sir Hotbreath.

'And do you have anything more to say to me on the matter?' asked the Puce Knight.

'Only that I ask you to do the deed quickly and cleanly,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'There is nothing else to be said.'

'Very well, then,' said the Puce Knight, drawing his sword. 'Let us proceed.'

King Allfire and the Knights of the Square Table looked on in stunned silence as Sir Hotbreath lowered his head again. Flame grabbed Flicker's arm.

'Ooh, Flicker, what do we do?' she said. 'Shall we use the magic net again? There may be some potatolectric power left in this lemon!'

'No, Flame, I… I don't think we should do anything,' said Flicker. 'Sir Hotbreath is honouring the Code of Chivalry, and so should we.'

'But the Puce Knight is about to kill him!' said Flame. 'If that doesn't make him a comrade in mortal danger, I don't know what would!'

'I know, Flame,' said Flicker. 'But like you said, we can't follow all of the rules all of the time; we just have to listen to our hearts. And my heart is telling me that because Sir Hotbreath has shown the courage and fortitude to honour his word as a knight, everything has to work out for the best. I believe that, Flame; I really do.'

'Then I believe it too, Flicker,' said Flame, slipping her hand into his.

The blade of the Puce Knight's sword swung downwards.

* * *

Sir Hotbreath looked up. The Puce Knight was in the process of sheathing his sword, while the Lemon Tree of Leominster - which had somehow contrived to appear between the two of them - had been severed at the base of its spindly trunk and was lying in a crumpled heap next to its pot.

'You… you didn't kill me,' Sir Hotbreath said to the Puce Knight.

'Nay, sir,' replied the Puce Knight, 'I did not.'

'Huzzah!' said Flicker. 'I had hardly dared to hope it might be true, but this was a test of chivalry all along.'

'Indeed it was,' said the Puce Knight. 'A true knight will always keep his word, no matter what the circumstances. You have proven, Sir Hotbreath, that you are a true knight indeed.'

'Ah, so this whole sequence of events was just an elaborate ruse, then,' said Sir Burnevere.

'Not a ruse, sir knight, but a test, just as the young squire said,' the Puce Knight insisted. 'After all, any knave may play fast and loose with his word of honour, and make a promise that he has no intention of keeping. But no one who makes a promise to a man he is about to slay has any suspicion that he will be called upon to keep that promise. When he finds himself in that most unusual situation, only a true and noble knight would accept his fate without question or argument, and not try to weasel out of the arrangement.'

'I think you would find, sir, that any knight of Camelhot would have proven themselves as true and noble as Sir Hotbreath in the same situation,' said Sir Loungelot.

' _Any_ knight, Loungelot?' said King Allfire, raising an eyebrow.

'Loungelot would probably have tried to offer _you_ in exchange,' Flame whispered to Flicker. 'And I think Daddy suspects as much, don't you?'

'Oh, I don't know, Flame,' said Flicker. 'I wouldn't like to guess what the King is thinking.'

'I have heard many tales of the noble and chivalrous knights at the court of Camelhot,' said the Puce Knight, 'and I can see that these tales have neither been falsified nor exaggerated. You have my respect, my good knights, and - should you find yourself in need of it - you have my loyalty also. I shall be on my way now, but I shall spread the word of Camelhot's greatness to all I meet!'

'Hey, wait a minute!' Cinder objected. 'What about the Lemon Tree of Leominster? It's been slashed; butchered; cut down in its prime!'

'And we were getting so good at making lemonade,' added Clinker.

'Well then, my fine fellows, take this in recompense,' said the Puce Knight. 'The Orange Tree of Oxford!'

The Puce Knight raised his right arm in a gesture of power. As the dragons watched in awe, the limp lemon tree was supplanted by a magnificent orange tree, overflowing with ripe fruit.

'You'll find that, although they're not the only fruit, oranges are much sweeter than lemons,' said the Puce Knight, 'and that orangeade is far more refreshing than lemonade. You can also make orange squash or orange barley, or just drink the orange juice neat - it's delicious!'

'Camelhot thanks you, Puce Knight,' said King Allfire, 'for reminding us all what true knighthood is, and for gifting us this marvellous orange tree.'

'Farewell, my friends,' said the Puce Knight, spurring his charger. 'I feel sure we'll meet again someday, but for now, farewell to one and all!'

With that, the Puce Knight galloped away and was soon lost to view.

'Is it time for breakfast yet?' asked Sir Loungelot, breaking the ensuing silence.

'Indeed it is,' said King Allfire.

'With orange juice?' said Sir Blaze.

'Yes indeed,' said King Allfire. 'Orange juice for everyone!'

'Huzzah!' cheered all the dragons.

* * *

Count Geoffrey and his Evil Knights ran into Castle Threadbare's tumbledown throne room and skidded to a halt. They leant against the walls for support, panting heavily.

'So, Geoff, when do we move in to Camelhot?'

Geoffrey looked up to see that his throne was occupied by Merle the Wizard, who was smiling in a superior manner.

'Spare me your scathing witticisms, Merle,' said Count Geoffrey. 'I'm not in the mood.'

'I take it that all the dragon knights still have their heads, then,' said Merle.

'Yes, they do!' said Count Geoffrey. 'Unless the real Puce Knight has decapitated Sir Hotbreath, of course, but somehow I doubt that he will have done.'

'The real Puce Knight, huh?'

'Yes, Merle, the real Puce Knight showed up - we didn't stand a chance against him!'

'Well,' said Merle, 'you didn't factor that into your little plan, did you?'

'No, I didn't,' said Count Geoffrey. 'But next time, things will be different. Next time, Camelhot will be mine!'

'Maybe,' said Merle, 'and maybe not. In all our little chin-wags, Geoff, have we ever discussed the benefits of moles?'

'Moles, Merle?'

'Moles, Geoff. A mole can be an extremely efficient weapon, as long as you can find one who's going to be welcomed with open arms into the burrow.'

'What the heck are you babbling about, you insane old witch?' Count Geoffrey snarled.

'Just pin back your ears, Geoff,' said Merle, 'and I'll explain.'

* * *

Taking great care not to hit or scrape it against any of his other inventions, Flicker pushed the magic net into the space he had cleared for it and then stood back to admire his handiwork. He heard a belch and a whoosh of flame from the doorway behind him, and turned to face his visitor.

'Ah, Flicker, there you are,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'Loungelot told me you were around here somewhere. Say, what are all these contraptions?'

'My inventions, Sir Hotbreath,' said Flicker. 'This is my workshop. I haven't been in here very much recently, but I intend to spend more time inventing from now on.'

'You were right all along,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'Following the Code of Chivalry was the right thing to do, no matter how desperate the situation seemed. My faith in the Code wavered for a while back there; I'm very glad that yours didn't.'

'But it did, My Lord,' said Flicker. 'Despite all my lofty ideals, I used my magic net to help you, even though you yourself had accepted your fate gracefully.'

'Ah, but you only used it against Count Geoffrey, not the Puce Knight.'

'I didn't know that at the time.'

'But you suspected, didn't you? Something tells me that you don't miss a trick around here, Flicker, and that means that we all have a lot to thank you for.'

'Oh, well, I…'

'The King was asking me just now how I found the courage to keep my word to the Puce Knight, even when all hope seemed lost,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'I told him what you'd said to me, Flicker; I mentioned you by name.'

'Did he know who you were talking about?' asked Flicker.

'Certainly he did,' said Sir Hotbreath. 'He said, "You mean that young squire of Loungelot's," and I said, "Yes, Your Majesty," and then he told me I was beginning to sound just like Princess Flame.'

'Is somebody talking about me?'

Flicker and Sir Hotbreath looked to the doorway, where Flame was now standing. Flicker's eyes darted uncertainly between his two visitors. Sir Hotbreath smiled.

'You can rest assured that King Allfire knows who you are, Flicker,' he said, 'and he knows what you've done, or some of it at least. I'll leave you to get on with your business now… but not before I've thanked you once again for what you did for me.'

'It's nothing, Sir Hotbreath,' said Flicker. 'I mean, it's my pleasure.'

'I'll bid you good evening, then,' said Sir Hotbreath, turning to leave. 'Your Highness.'

'Sir Hotbreath,' Flame acknowledged him as he passed. 'Well, Flicker, you've tidied up a bit in here, haven't you? The place was in a terrible state this afternoon.'

'Yes, well, I thought I'd better give it a spring clean,' said Flicker. 'After all, seeing as I'm going to be spending so much more time in here…'

'Ah, so you're planning on getting back to it, then,' said Flame. 'Inventing, I mean.'

'Yes, Flame. I know that without inventing,' said Flicker, 'my life would be meaningless.'

Flame smiled at Flicker, then she started poking around the workshop.

'Ah yes, I remember this one,' she said, fondling a strange-looking tool. 'Oh look, and there's your Sir Loungelot puppet. I'll never forget the time you were making that thing dance around the throne room with Stepmother Griddle; it was so hilarious!'

Flicker watched Flame examining his inventions and listened to her reminiscences, not entirely sure where to put himself.

'Um, Flame,' he said at length, 'I really should go and run Sir Loungelot's bath soon, so perhaps, if you've quite finished looking…'

'I see you've brought your bed in here too,' said Flame. 'Hoping to pick up a little late-night inspiration, are you?'

'Um, yes,' said Flicker, as Flame sat down on his bed. 'Look, Flame, I really think…'

'Why don't you come over here and sit with me?' said Flame, patting the bed next to her.

Flicker's heart missed a beat; he was unsure quite how to respond to this suggestion.

'Is that a royal command?' he heard himself saying.

'Yes,' said Flame, 'it is. So you'd better obey it, hadn't you?'

Flicker sat down next to Flame. She fixed him with a searching expression.

'Sir Hotbreath was right, you know,' said Flame. 'Daddy does know quite a lot about you, Flicker; he's got eyes in his head after all, and he can't help but notice some of the things that go on around here. I'm sure that with another little push here and there, Daddy will be knighting you before long.'

'I can't be the one to push him, Flame,' said Flicker. 'It… well, it wouldn't be right.'

'Is that what your heart tells you, Flicker,' said Flame, 'or what the Code tells you?'

'Both,' said Flicker.

'My heart is telling me something at the moment,' said Flame. 'It's practically shouting inside my head… and I'm going to listen to it.'

She closed her eyes and kissed him on the lips. For a moment, Flicker forgot himself and allowed his own eyes to slide shut. Then he drew back sharply, and jumped to his feet.

'Flame, we can't; we mustn't!' said Flicker. 'King Allfire's Code of Chivalry…'

'Oh, hang that stupid Code!' said Flame. 'Listen to your heart, Flicker, just like you did when the Puce Knight was about to decapitate Sir Hotbreath; what's it telling you now?'

'It's telling me… it's telling me that I know what I want, Flame,' said Flicker, 'but that I have to wait for the right time before I can have it. It's not that I want to wait - goodness knows, it isn't that. It's just that… that… well, it's just that it's the right thing to do.'

'Oh, Flicker,' Flame sighed, rising to her feet. 'What am I going to do with you?'

She smiled fondly at him, before pecking him on the cheek. He flinched slightly, but made no move to stop her.

'Well, whatever I _am_ going to do,' Flame continued, 'I suppose I'm not going to be doing it now. You'd better go and run Sir Loungelot's bath, hadn't you?'

With that, Flame left the room. Flicker did not go to run Sir Loungelot's bath straightaway. He sat down on his bed, brushed his cheek, and stared wistfully at the spot where Flame had been standing. A short time later, he stood up and left the workshop.


End file.
